How do you get organized? How do you budget? How do you handle homesickness? How do you register for classes? It’s an endless and sometimes overwhelming stream of information.
But right around Christmas break, it became apparent that the one thing that this endless stream of information did not prepare me for was the actual return home of my college student.
My daughter left for Auburn as a freshman in August 2012. It has been a great transition thanks to all of the guidance and information that has been generously shared with me.
However, nothing prepared me for the return.
So, to help other parents of first-time college students, I have prepared these bits of advice to, I hope, help you and your college student make the transition home somewhat easier.
Curiously enough, I have adapted much of what you see here from a variety of disaster preparedness websites. They seemed oddly appropriate given my own personal experience of working to transition my college freshman back home and back to civilized society.
Remember: Being properly prepared can make all the difference in the world for the safety of you and your loved ones.
Tip #1: Be Patient. This is an important piece of advice that, unfortunately, I don’t always follow. It takes time for your college student to re-acclimate to civilization and you should be prepared for that. I will repeat this several times in the tips that follow.
Tip #2: Inventory your belongings. After her first visit back home, we began to notice things missing. Jewelry. Clothing. Food. I don’t believe she meant to “steal” anything. In the mind of a college student, taking things without asking is a form of “borrowing.” “Sweetie, we noticed on Facebook that you were wearing your mom’s favorite sweater. Could you please bring it back home when you return? Oh, yes, of course, glad to hear you’re letting your friends borrow our clothes.”
Tip #3: Review your income. Yes, when at school, your college student believes you to be a never-ending ATM. However, this becomes even more pronounced in person. Beware of flattery (“Wow, dad, you’ve really lost a lot of weight and look great!”). Make a note of what money you’ve doled out. Your college student understands that you are getting older and your mind is not quite what it used to be. They leverage this knowledge by asking for many small denominations over time versus one large disbursement all at once. “Didn’t I already give you $5 this morning? What? Yes, I think this jacket looks cool on me too. Well, here is $10. I love you too.”
Tip #4: Buy plenty of food. At school, your college student has become acclimated to eating what they want, when they want and as much as they want. Until you can get them properly adjusted to civilization (Remember: Be Patient), it’s a good idea to keep plenty of food on hand. If you run out of food early in the transition process, they will turn on you. “Huh? What do you mean we’re out of Cheez-Its, chips, Goldfish, Triscuits, soda, turkey, cheese, and cereal? We literally just bought all that stuff yesterday.”
Tip #5: Re-introduce the concept of time. After being at college for a while, your college student has developed a rhythm of time that doesn’t follow any civilized pattern. They stay up until all hours of the morning. Roll out of the bed about five minutes before class. Study for a bit. Sleep for a bit. Then they repeat the process. This pattern can be oddly disconcerting to a civilized family so helping your college student understand that they need to adjust their concept of time while at home is paramount to the mental and physical wellbeing of the entire family unit. “No, sweetie, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that you return home by midnight. And, yes, I’m sorry I have to get up so early tomorrow but I do have a job that requires me to be there.”
Tip #6: Re-introduce the concept of regular hygiene. It was somewhat of a surprise to me to see my beautiful daughter, who was so fastidious about her appearance in high school, transformed so quickly into a classic college freshman. This classic look usually consists of unwashed hair quickly pulled back into a ponytail, a rumpled T-Shirt, Nike shorts, and some form of sandal-type footwear (e.g. Chacos, Tevas, etc.). It appears that other forms of personal cleanliness are optional. In your college student's mind, body spray can mask whatever unfortunate odors have crept up overnight. Again, Be Patient. Work with them. “Yes, sweetie, I realize we’re just going to Billy’s for dinner, but we would prefer it if you would not look like we just picked up from the shelter downtown.”
Tip #7: Expect the Unexpected. As with severe weather, you never really know what’s about to happen. A tornado could just drop out of the sky. Or the clouds could part and the day could be beautiful. The transition of your college student to civilized life can be just as unpredictable. Just be sure to plan ahead and Be Patient.
Should you have any thoughts or ideas on how best to transition your college student to civilization – even temporarily – please feel free to share. As always, I could use all the help I can get.
1 comment:
My parents "made" (let) me go and live with my grown sister ... that's not an option for you, I know. Perhaps you could suggest she find gainful employment as a waitperson? Lifestyle is very compatible with being in college ... well, except for the work :)
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