Marriage: Celebrating the Silly Things

Yes, I thought it was silly. But early into my marriage, we celebrated those kinds of “anniversaries.” The one month anniversary. The first New Year’s Day as a married couple. Our first Christmas as a married couple. The first Valentine’s Day as a married couple. My wife is big into this kind of thing but I generally just went along. It was important to her so it was important to me, but, really, my heart wasn’t in it.

Now that we’ve been married a while – it was 25 years this past August – I’ve come to truly appreciate one of these silly anniversaries in particular – Jan. 25. It was on that date in 1986 that Rachael and I went on our official first date. It was official because I specifically asked her to go with me to the Movie Pub in Auburn to watch a movie, eat hot dogs and drink a couple of beverages.

We’ve celebrated this anniversary every year without fail. It usually includes flowers, a card and dinner out. And, like clockwork, I can always count on someone to tease me about it. Tell me how silly it is.

But as I continue to read stories about high divorce rates, I take more and more pride in celebrating the “little things.” The silly things. Marriage is hard work and I look forward to celebrating many more “silly” anniversaries. I have learned to appreciate these small moments that have led to a wonderful life of love and happiness.

Valentine's Day: A Cautionary Tale

The other morning my youngest daughter asked if I had a funny story about Valentine’s Day. The answer, of course, is absolutely. I have a story I think is funny about almost anything, but, as it turns out, this story is also a great cautionary tale to all newlywed men.

My wife and I celebrated our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple on Feb. 14, 1989. We had been married that previous August, and spent our honeymoon in Tuscaloosa at Shoney’s and Delchamps. It would be fair to say that we barely had two nickels to rub together.

But, we were happy. I was in graduate school. Rachael was working. We were poor, but we were proud and, yes, we had each other.

One quick piece of background information: My wife and her family celebrate every holiday like it may be the last holiday on Earth. My family celebrates Thanksgiving and Christmas.

So, it was an incredible surprise when, as Valentine’s Day drew closer, she came to me with a simple request.

Her: “Bret, I love you, and I know money is tight right now so I don’t think we should buy anything for each other on Valentine’s Day.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know about that. Are you sure?”

Her: “Absolutely. I love you. You love me. We love one another. I know that. You know that. We don’t need to give each other anything on Valentine’s Day to prove that.”

Me: “You’re sure? Really?”

Her: “Yes. So, we won’t buy anything for each other for Valentine’s Day. Plus, I would rather just save money for my birthday in April.”

Me: “Okay.”

Valentine’s Day rolls around. I wake up that morning preparing to go to class, and she comes to me with a card – a Valentine’s Day card. She wishes me a happy Valentine’s Day, tells me how much she loves me and hands me a wonderful card expressing the undying love she has for me.

I got nothing.

She stands. Waiting. Anticipating.

I got nothing.

I tell her I love her and then remind her of our conversation earlier in the year.

It was then that she said something that changed my married life forever and removed the scales from my eyes: “I know what I said, but I never, ever thought you would think I was serious.”

Needless to say, it was a chilly Valentine’s Day for me in 1989.

Two mistakes were made:

• First, I took seriously something that my wife said that was directly contradictory to any evidence that had been presented to that point in our marriage.
• Second, I made the huge – HUGE – mistake of reminding her of something that she said earlier that was directly contrary to what she actually believed.

It was a hard lesson but it’s one that I am more than willing to freely pass along to any newlywed young man or any young man new to a relationship.

The moral of the story? As a friend of mine says: For Valentine’s Day, flowers and a card are baseline. Everything else is considered “above and beyond.”

Happy Valentine’s Day and you’re welcome.