Valentine's Day: A Cautionary Tale

The other morning my youngest daughter asked if I had a funny story about Valentine’s Day. The answer, of course, is absolutely. I have a story I think is funny about almost anything, but, as it turns out, this story is also a great cautionary tale to all newlywed men.

My wife and I celebrated our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple on Feb. 14, 1989. We had been married that previous August, and spent our honeymoon in Tuscaloosa at Shoney’s and Delchamps. It would be fair to say that we barely had two nickels to rub together.

But, we were happy. I was in graduate school. Rachael was working. We were poor, but we were proud and, yes, we had each other.

One quick piece of background information: My wife and her family celebrate every holiday like it may be the last holiday on Earth. My family celebrates Thanksgiving and Christmas.

So, it was an incredible surprise when, as Valentine’s Day drew closer, she came to me with a simple request.

Her: “Bret, I love you, and I know money is tight right now so I don’t think we should buy anything for each other on Valentine’s Day.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know about that. Are you sure?”

Her: “Absolutely. I love you. You love me. We love one another. I know that. You know that. We don’t need to give each other anything on Valentine’s Day to prove that.”

Me: “You’re sure? Really?”

Her: “Yes. So, we won’t buy anything for each other for Valentine’s Day. Plus, I would rather just save money for my birthday in April.”

Me: “Okay.”

Valentine’s Day rolls around. I wake up that morning preparing to go to class, and she comes to me with a card – a Valentine’s Day card. She wishes me a happy Valentine’s Day, tells me how much she loves me and hands me a wonderful card expressing the undying love she has for me.

I got nothing.

She stands. Waiting. Anticipating.

I got nothing.

I tell her I love her and then remind her of our conversation earlier in the year.

It was then that she said something that changed my married life forever and removed the scales from my eyes: “I know what I said, but I never, ever thought you would think I was serious.”

Needless to say, it was a chilly Valentine’s Day for me in 1989.

Two mistakes were made:

• First, I took seriously something that my wife said that was directly contradictory to any evidence that had been presented to that point in our marriage.
• Second, I made the huge – HUGE – mistake of reminding her of something that she said earlier that was directly contrary to what she actually believed.

It was a hard lesson but it’s one that I am more than willing to freely pass along to any newlywed young man or any young man new to a relationship.

The moral of the story? As a friend of mine says: For Valentine’s Day, flowers and a card are baseline. Everything else is considered “above and beyond.”

Happy Valentine’s Day and you’re welcome.