It Is Tradition (12.26.08)

Tradition.

It’s a powerful word.

Tradition is what keeps us moving inexorably toward a prescribed destination while keeping us firmly rooted in the sentimental past.

Tradition becomes so ingrained in our lives, we follow its direction without even thinking.

It has been my experience that the two areas of my life that are most fraught with tradition are college football and holidays. The discussion around college football could take up an entire discussion so let’s focus on holidays.

My wife and I have been married for 20 plus years so that is plenty of time for us to be absorbed into each other’s family traditions and to establish some traditions of our own.

The interesting thing about tradition is that you generally don’t question its existence until some event triggers the question.

For example, a big move or the birth of a child.

Both have occurred in our family.

Right after I received my master’s degree, my wife and I moved to Texas. This effectively put on hold any kind of holiday tradition.

When we returned to Alabama and were living in Escambia County, tradition re-established its grip on us until our first child was born.

At that time, one new tradition was established and another was adjusted for this single life event.

Tradition dictated that at Thanksgiving and Christmas, Rachael and I would make the five-hour round-trip that took us to Birmingham to see Rachael’s parents and then on to Decatur to see my parents. I would venture to say that traveling with an infant is akin to preparing the Space Shuttle to be launched into space – and they have an entire team of trained professionals.

With Rachael extremely great with child in November 1993, it was decided that we couldn’t get too far afield of the hospital where our child was to be born. So, we went to the panhandle of Florida for Thanksgiving with her parents because we were a short hop from Pensacola and Sacred Heart Hospital.

Sure enough, the day after Thanksgiving 1993, we made the drive to Pensacola where our daughter was born. Since that time, we have celebrated Thanksgiving and our daughter’s birthday at the beach.

Living in South Alabama with a baby also adjusted the tradition of travel. After making the trip with an infant at least twice, I made the executive decision to spend Christmas at our house and have our parents come to us.

When we moved to Birmingham, the tradition was adjusted again because now we were closer and the traveling was not as stressful on us or the children.

The move also allowed us to re-establish a tradition that had begun when Rachael and I were still dating. And it is a tradition that was questioned most recently by my youngest. That’s another terrific thing about kids – they will question anything – including time-honored traditions.

“Daddy, why do we eat at the Chinese restaurant on Christmas Eve?”

Well, Katharine, back in the day (pre-1988 Birmingham), not every store was open – including restaurants. It is a practical impossibility for my children to understand the concept that a store might actually be closed at any moment, much less on a holiday.

My children listen in slack-jawed wonderment as I tell them that when I was a child, we actually had to ensure we had fuel and other provisions lest we get stuck on the highway on a Sunday – when there was nothing open. You would think we traveled in covered wagons. Anyway, I digress.

Rachael’s mom wasn’t too keen on cooking the night before Christmas so we went out to eat.

One of the few places open was a great little Chinese restaurant called Joy Young’s. When it closed, we moved elsewhere and the tradition continues.

For someone who wants to establish the tradition of eating chicken fingers pretty much every night, I can tell this is one tradition that Katharine will change when she has the opportunity.

And that leads to another dilemma.

When you are a child, you are beholden to the traditions of family. Even if you don’t care for that tradition, it is a part of you like your nose or arm.

So when is it okay to adjust that long-held family tradition?

My wife and I team teach a Christian marriage class (yes, despite what you may have heard, the Bible has much to teach us about love and marriage) in the summer with another couple. The young people who take the class tend to be young (in their 20s) and either are engaged to be married in the next few months or have been married for less than a year.

Each year we ask these couples the same question: “What are the most difficult subjects for you to tackle as a newly-engaged or newly-married couple?”

And each year the two winning answers are: Money and tradition.

Money seems obvious.

However, I think we all expected the second answer to be “sex.” But, apparently, this is not an issue early on, but see us after a few years. Sorry, I digress again.

Tradition.

You have a young man who is used to being with his immediate family for a nice, quiet Christmas Even dinner married to a young woman who is used to being with her 50 plus extended family for a raucous Christmas Eve dinner. The reconciliation can be difficult and there is no easy answer.

So here we are. Tradition driving us forward.

One of my favorite comic strips (a tradition that is slowly fading as the printed paper slowly fades away. I made the mistake of asking someone under the age of 30 if they had seen this comic strip. Blank stare and a chuckle is what I got for an answer.) is “Baby Blues.” The strip takes us into the lives of the MacPherson family – Mom Wanda, Dad Darryl, Big Sister Zoe, Big Brother Hammie, and Baby Wren.

A recent strip showed Zoe and Hammie standing in line to have their picture taken Santa Claus.

Hammie asks Zoe: “What are we doing again?”

Zoe: “We’re standing in line to get our picture taken with Santa Claus.”

Hammie: “And why are we doing it?”

Zoe: “Because it’s tradition.”

Hammie: “Oh.”

Hammie: “What’s tradition?”

Zoe: “I think it’s French for ‘boredom.’”